somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
