sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
