Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
