For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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