so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
