be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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