my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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