So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
