please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize