hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
