There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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