I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
