some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
