we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
