Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How external is "for external use only"?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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