that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
