I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
