Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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