There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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