I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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