and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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