Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
