I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
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He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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