Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
