drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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