Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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