at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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