i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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