I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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