Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
