I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
