Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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