my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
