the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
