Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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