she woke up with a sticky ear
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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