I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
