we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
