Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
