i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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