Screwed.edu
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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