Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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