I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
