All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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