Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
