Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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