Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
sarcasm needs its own font
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
