her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
