everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
