yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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