i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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