I just saw a hot homeless man
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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