i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
are you so shy because you have an std?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
