Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
