So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
