I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
