I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize