Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
