Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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