I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
