you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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