We're like a lot better than the average bears
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
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After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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