I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
its liver damage thursday
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
