dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
