Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
