I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
