a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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