better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
