Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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