If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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