Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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