This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize