Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
