I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
