I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
